Who I am

Name: Tisha
Location: New England
Hobbies: Art, Writing, Bitching.
Email: Email me

This is my spot to bitch about life in general. Usually, I'm a pretty happy going person, but lately that's changed. I've been dealing with a lot of personal issues and I haven't been able to talk about them on my regular blog because a lot of my personal friends read it. So I'm using this place as a place to get out all my feelings and not worry about what people say about me or think of me. Feel free to email me at any time if you want... for any reason.

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The Past

April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004

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Friday, April 30, 2004

No sunshine over here

I've had a horrible rest of the week. I've been so stressed out that it has caused me to do stupid things. I'm not very happy with myself right now. I went to my session yesterday at 3 and I didn't leave until 6:30 because I couldn't "guarantee my safety" through the weekend. I had to set up a verbal contract with my counselor and her boss. It was messy and I feel crappy and completely out of control and out of touch with my friends and myself. My counselor's boss gave me her home phone number so I can call and check in with her every night. BAH! I feel like I should just put on a straight jacket and head off to the padded room. Seriously, I know you guys don't know me... but this is not who I am. I hate being the girl who needs the help, I'm usually on the other end. I feel like a complete burden to everyone around me. Depressing, eh? I'm sure I brightened up your day by having you read this too.. blah.. I'm just like... I don't know. Empty?

Tisha bitched at 8:53 PM | |


Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Sp-sp-sp-spit it out junior!

I hate having conversations with people that go no where. Or, if you're on the phone and someone tries to tell you a story and they take F-O-R-E-V-E-R to tell it and fill up your time with a lot of "um's" and "uhh's" and random things like "Alright! I was waiting for this in the mail" and "STOP BARKING!". Like, seriously, if you're going to tell me a story... FOCUS. I don't want to hear about what happened three years ago in a story about how you went food shopping today.
That just put me in a bad mood. I don't know why, but now I'm all pissy and tired. So yeah, how is your day going?

Tisha bitched at 12:42 PM | |


Work.. work.. work...

I've been running around like crazy for the past few days. I've finished two projects, both which I'm extremely happy about because I got to rock some of my creativeness/computer geekiness (is that a word?) and use it towards the goal of getting good grades, which always make me happy.
I set my friend up with a blog tonight, I'm not sure if I'm going to link her on here or not, I'll have to think about that. She's a great person and all, but you know how that goes... one person links ya, then another, and then another and I all of the sudden find that I have people who know me reading this without actually knowing who, so I'll give it some thought.
Hmm, besides that nothing really interesting has happened. I've been extremely tired for some odd reason. I took a 4 hour "nap" yesterday, woke up around 1am, took a shower and then went back to sleep for 6 more hours. I got up this morning and felt like I hadn't slept at all. It totally sucked. I could blame it on the lack of energy due to no food, but I have been eating a little more than usual. I went to my doctor on Monday and found out that I gained 2 pounds in the past 2 weeks, which is good, I'm actually happy about that... This next week is filled with final exams, papers, and presentations which is going to stress me out beyond belief, so we'll see how I am after I get through all of that. Blah. I'm really not looking forward to any of it, but the payoff is good... Summer!!!

Tisha bitched at 12:08 AM | |


Tuesday, April 27, 2004

The end is coming...

I had two huge projects due this week and I got them both done a little bit early which makes me feel great! I focused on doing those two things so much that I totally forgot to write a paper that was due yesterday, but the teacher didn't mind at all so I'm just going to type it up real fast and put it in his mailbox today. I have 7 days to go until the end of classes, I'm looking forward to it but then again I'm not. Going home means I have less freedom, which is something that I had to deal with last summer. It was frustrating, but I got over it...kinda. The one thing I am looking forward to is NO homework for 3 months! Woohoo!!

Tisha bitched at 8:29 AM | |


Monday, April 26, 2004

Whatta weekend!

I had a great weekend. My boyfriend came up and we got to spend a lot of time with each other, it was so good for us. I loved every second of it and I miss him a ton.
I did a lot of homework this weekend too, which sucked, but I got two major projects done which I'm friggin' happier than all hell about. Woohoo!! The end of this week is going to be a little hectic, but I'm not worrying about it now. I'm still in a semi-good mood from this weekend. Enough about me, how was YOUR weekend?

Tisha bitched at 12:27 PM | |


Saturday, April 24, 2004

Weekend!

Last night was good, a lot better than compared to last weekend. I went to the movies with a few friends, it was nice to get off campus for a while.
Today I think I'm going to hit up the Walmart to buy a few things and then head over to the tanning place to get me some cancer in a box. :) I haven't actually gone in a week and a half, so that's my excuse for going today. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!!

Tisha bitched at 12:27 PM | |


Friday, April 23, 2004

Friday!

I got a little drunk last night which made me feel a little sick this morning. I didn't have a lot, but because I haven't been eating and I haven't gotten drunk in a while, it didn't really matter. I was bombed and I'm feeling icky now... I'm a smart cookie, eh?
This weekend should be fun. It's JAMFEST weekend, there are going to be a few bands playing in one of the parking lots, there will be a rock wall and some of those bouncy blow up houses to jump around in. It should be fun. There's going to be a massive amount of cops and RAs walking around all weekend searching out alcohol and drugs. They've beefed up that from last year, its kinda like a prison around here this year: "Have fun, but not too much fun!". They're doing it because last year a kid went missing after going to a party after all of the JAMFEST things were over with. Our school is right on the ocean but we're surrounded by woods, so they were searching the waters w/ scuba gear and there were choppers and planes constantly in the sky for about a week. They didn't have any luck finding him, which was extremely sad. His girlfriend was here thanking everyone who searched, and a lot of people knew him... he was in one of my classes. His body washed up on a nearby island about 3 months later. Most people around here are worried about the freshman class because they didn't experience what everyone else did and they've got an invincible attitude about partying. We'll see what happens, hopefully tomorrow and the rest of this weekend is uneventful, in the good kind of way.

Tisha bitched at 1:41 PM | |


Thursday, April 22, 2004

Spring has finally sprung

It started out being rainy and icky this morning, but it turned into an extremely sunny and warm day. I love it. Last night was pretty rough. I talked to my boyfriend about a bunch of things and just before we were going to end the convo I mentioned that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do after college. I told him that I'd like to live by myself and experience things instead of moving in with him, which turned into him asking if I wanted to see other people... and it continued from there. We worked most of the stuff out before we went to bed. He didn't understand where I was coming from. I told him that dealing with the whole anorexia thing has made me secretive and has made me value my privacy more than ever, which has been affecting my relationships with friends and him. He thought I all of the sudden just wanted to change everything and that I became a different person. I told him that I had been dealing with those thoughts for a while and it seems sudden because I had control of it all one day and the next it felt like it all fell down. Hmm... Did that make sense? I went to bed still upset, but I feel better about everything today. Last night was a bad night, so it was good that today went by with no real issues. I like easy days, they make life fun.
I'm getting my procrastination on by not doing my marketing homework, even tho it needs to be done by tomorrow... I should probably get working on that. It's just so nice out that it's hard to stay inside when I know I could be out there soaking up the sun. *sigh* Summer's almost here!

Tisha bitched at 5:52 PM | |


Rocky times

I was pretty productive today, but in the end, today sucked. I ended up having a conversation with my boyfriend that was focused around me being freaked out that he's the only guy I'm going to be with for the rest of my life. I'm 19, can anyone understand that? Needless to say, the conversation wasn't much of one, it was more like a fight which resulted in him being pissed off and me crying. I've cried so much in the past week, its insane. I'm really not a crier at all, I hate doing it, your face gets all messy looking and there's snot everywhere. Its just not pretty. Bah. Its 2:30 in the morning and I need sleep... Although I don't think that's going to happen any time soon.

Tisha bitched at 2:21 AM | |


Wednesday, April 21, 2004

HUMP Day!

Tomorrow is Thursday! Then it's going to be Friday! YAY! I'm so glad this week is almost over, I just may party it up this weekend, we'll see. :)

Tisha bitched at 7:52 PM | |


Too much to do!

I actually intended to write about something specific, but I totally forgot what it was. I'm in a *special* kind of mood today.
I'm actually chilling in my school's computer lab doing some work. I get distracted way too easily in my room so I come up here when I REALLY need to get going on my work. I've actually accomplished a few things, which is always a plus.
The cool thing about this lab is I can see the ocean from the windows. There's actually a lighthouse out there too. It's a little relaxing considering I come in here when I'm all stressed out and have a ton of stuff to do.
I'm going to continue on my work and try and figure out what the hell... oh, I remember! I looked at my tracker today and it said I had 8 visitors. Granted, 5 were me... so I actually had 3 readers in here. Not bad... not bad at all.
I'm looking to add onto my blogroll, so let me know if you have any good blogs that you like to read. I always love prying into other peoples' lives and seeing what's going on. It's fun!



Tisha bitched at 6:01 PM | |


Boy toy

My boyfriend has been driving me insane lately. We've been together for almost three and a half years and there have been no real bumps in the road so far. A couple of months ago when I first stopped eating I kept it a secret from everyone, including him. He was actually the last person I told. It got to the point where I didn't even want to talk to him because he always asked me what was wrong and that turned into fighting and so on. He lives an hour and a half away from my school, so we only see each other on the weekends if it's possible, otherwise we talk on the phone. Our arguments would get no where, I'd get pissed off, he'd get pissed off, and nothing would come out of it.
I finally told him what was going on over the phone, which wasn't how I wanted to do it but it felt like I was being forced to tell him because he thought I had some big horrible secret and that I was going to leave him for someone else... or something like that. I'm not happy that I told him, because I feel uncomfortable now when food is mentioned around him, and ever since then he's been clingy. Very clingy. For example: I just called him, we talked for about 2 minutes, and the 5 minutes after that was silent. I said I had to go to class, which is true, so I wanted to get going. I told him I'd call him back after class (in about an hour or two) and I'd talk to him then. 3 minutes later the phone rings. I don't know why that annoyed me so much, but I'm at the point now where I want to scream. He's been sick for the past two days so he's bored, and I can understand that he wants to talk to me... but I have things to do, places to go, shit like that. I'm feeling overcrowded but I don't have the heart to tell him. Bah.
This didn't turn out to be what I wanted to write about, but eh, I got it out. Lets hope he never finds this blog!! haha.

Tisha bitched at 12:44 PM | |


Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I just went over to take Dr. Phil's test.
I got a 37.

Interpretation of Results
Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

That is so true it's scary. Go take it and see what you get.

Link via Flying Piggies.

Tisha bitched at 11:29 PM | |


Everything hurts!

I went out and hit some lacrosse balls around w/ one of my friends. Those things FLY when you hit them with a bat. Woooohhhhh!! They also hurt when you don't catch them right. heh. I'm a very entertaining person to watch.
After being outside for a while I had to go to class. I'm in a human development class because the school requires it. Normally, I don't think I'd ever consider taking the class but it's been quite interesting this semester. We started learning about adolescence then we moved onto adulthood and now we're at late adulthood and death. How depressing! I don't want to know about all the diseases I can get when I get old, screw that! I'd rather just go with the flow and see what happens. I'm so not looking forward to getting old.


Tisha bitched at 6:25 PM | |


Nothin' to see here

Nothing really exciting has happened today. At. All.
I went around to a few blogs and added them to my blogroll, its always good to find new reads. Other than that, there's nothin' really going on.
It's goregous out today, I should be outside swinging a bat around but I'm completely sore from doing that two days ago. My muscles haven't been used lately because I'm a lazy bastard so they got a wake up call the other day when I was running around acting like I've been playing softball for the past 3 years. I feel like a beat up old woman. haha
Oh man, I think I'm going to go do something productive... I just may go outside and find someone to play with *YAY!*

Tisha bitched at 2:21 PM | |


Monday, April 19, 2004

Hmmm...

I kinda fixed it. It doesn't look too bad, does it?

Tisha bitched at 9:28 PM | |


Grrrr...

I've been playing around with this thing all day and now that I've moved the skin down a little bit so the ad doesn't look stupid on Netscape... I can't get the titles on the menu to go back down next to the hearts. Bah. Any ideas? I've got none.

I'm sitting here watching the Bruins/Montreal game. Game 7!!! Go Bruins!!

Tisha bitched at 9:05 PM | |


Bitchin'

I started going to counseling about a month and a half ago, and so far its been somewhat helpful. I've gone to therapists before and they just didn't work out for me, partly because I didn't tell them the truth and failed to mention certain important details in my life. This time I vowed it would be different. I went in there and told my counselor, Katie, everything. I didn't leave out a single thing, and its felt good.
I found out a few weeks ago that she's leaving my school in the middle of May and not coming back. She was an intern, so I should have known she was going to leave, but it's hard to deal with. I really like going to her and I feel like I connect with her due to the closeness of our ages and I'm just comfortable with her overall.
I was looking forward to going to see her today because I had a pretty shitty weekend and I wanted to vent. At 8:00 this morning I got a call saying she was out sick, and so when I went to call and reschedule my appointment, I couldn't get in until next Monday. Meh. I see her two days a week, so going from two days to none in one week sucks ass. I feel like I have to go in there and get everything off of my chest because I only have a limited amount of time with her. I'm scared of just stopping the counseling for the summer because I don't think I'm stable enough to do it. I'll be home this summer, and home is stressful for me because my family doesn't know that I'm anorexic, so I go home and try to eat as much as possible without purging afterwards. Its hard, and I don't know if I can deal with that right now. Hmmm... I needed to get that out. Sorry it was so long, but I'm not forcing you to read anything. haha. Oh well, I'm going to go do some homework and be mad at my friends for ditching me. I'm so bitter!


Tisha bitched at 4:48 PM | |


Sunday, April 18, 2004

Introducing... Me!


Ok kids. This is it. Here's my new blog. I've gone to the side of anonymity because too many people I know read my regular one, and well, I can't bitch about them if they read it, right? So here it is.
It didn't take too long to set this thing up because I got the skin from blogskins. I highly recommend it, there are tons of skins to use, and they're all free!
Well, here's a little bit about me: I'm 19, I'm currently in college, I have a boyfriend, and a few close friends. Things have changed a lot for me this year. I am currently dealing with anorexia/bulimia and going to counseling for it. It has caused me a massive amount of issues between my friends and me because I tried to keep it secret for a long time, and I was succeeding at it until a few people caught on. I told a few friends at first, but they tried to "fix" me and it made our relationship very weird and caused me to back away from them. Right now, I have one very good friend who knows everything about me and is very supportive of me. She is dealing with her own issues and we actually see the same counselor, so we can relate to each other’s situations. Other than that, I have started to drift from my friends. Hanging out with them has gotten weird. My best friends both have boyfriends that go here, so I barely see them, and well... that's about it. I have two best friends and some other friends, but I don't hang out with them too much. I don't know, I feel like everything is falling apart for me right now. I have good days and bad days, but the bad days are becoming all too common for me.
I'm using this space as an outlet for my emotions. I love to write, but writing in a journal takes so much longer and it cramps up my hand, so I figured I'd talk it out to the entire world and quite possibly get feedback from it. Either way, I'm hoping this will be a good experience for me.


Tisha bitched at 9:26 PM | |